Let’s Talk About Sex
When we make love in our dreams, we are most often attempting to unite with some aspect of ourselves.
Carl Jung said, ”All consciousness separates; but in dreams we put on the likeness of that more universal, truer, more eternal man dwelling in the darkness of primordial night. There he is still whole, and the whole is in him, indistinguishable from nature and bare of all egohood. Out of these all uniting depths arises the dream, be it never so childish, grotesque and immoral.” (As quoted in the glossary of Jung’s autobiography, Memories, Dreams, Reflections.)
Dreams introduce us to attitudes we’re unaware of and parts of ourselves we’re blind to for one core purpose: to help each of us become whole. I can’t think of any dream symbolism that undertakes the task of psychic union better than sexual intercourse.
In general, when we dream we’re having sex with someone, our psyche is trying to unite our conscious mind with the characteristics inside ourselves that our dream sex partner represents. So when we have a sex dream, we have to ask ourselves, “What are my associations with the person I’m having sex with?”
Whether you know the person in waking life or not and whether the sex of the person matches your conscious sexual orientation is not as immediately important as the personal associations you have for the person.
For instance, if, as a heterosexual female, I have a dream of making love with a woman who is a teacher, the dream might be pointing out that I have teacher-like qualities within myself that I need to be aware of and perhaps utilize in some way in conscious life. It might also be commenting on an unconscious desire to expand my education in some way. The dream will hold other clues to help me decipher the exact message.
Of course dreams can be crucial in helping us come to grips with our sexual orientation if we are not living true to nature in conscious life. It’s just that, since dreams communicate on a symbolic level, a message about unrealized sexual preference probably wouldn’t be conveyed in such a literal way.
When I say intercourse dreams attempt to help us integrate or unite disparate aspects of ourselves, I don’t mean the psyche is trying to tell us that we have to adopt the sex partner’s characteristics. What if we have a sex dream that is very unpleasant or even terrifying? What if I’m being raped in my dream or I’m a rapist? Then we need to take a look at what part of psyche is being abused or is abusive to some other part of the psyche. A rape scene may represent an internal power struggle against different characteristics or standpoints within our own minds.
The dream does not tell us which is the right or wrong conscious attitude to take. It simply presents the psychic situation. Free will still reigns. But we do have to be aware that our dream lover’s characteristics lie within us. We have to try our best to know ALL of who we are if we’re going to come anywhere close to being a consciously whole human being.
Many months ago, I had a dream that I was making love to a Rastafari man. He was extremely handsome and I desired him deeply. Our lovemaking was beautiful and moving. Now, I know very little about Rastafari, almost nothing. My associations were that Rastafaris are free spirited and not tied to Western convention. This man was peaceful and was not at all committed to the “rat race.” So, knowing how satisfying it was for me to unite with these Rastafari characteristics within me, does that mean I should stop working and use cannabis as a path toward spiritual enlightenment? Maybe, maybe not. I do know it’s my psychic duty to accept that his way of being is within me, but I still have to decide which parts of him, if any, I’ll choose to incorporate into my waking life.
– Writeye
Posted on February 8th, 2009 under Dreams, Jungian Psychology • Tags: sex in dreams symbolism. • 
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